If you’ve worked with me a while, you know I pay a lot of attention to stories.
(Not just storybook stories… although I am still squarely in a phase with my family where we are reading stories out loud all the time and it is dreamy.)
No. I am talking about the stories we all tell ourselves — about ourselves, the people around us, the world around us. And the stories other people are telling about themselves, their work, and their teammates.
These stories do not come out of thin air. They come from our past experiences and our daily interactions. And more and more we live inside of other people’s stories too, often their manufactured stories.
Our stories are full of our biases and our fears.
Our stories also point the way to our deepest cares, our loves, hopes, and wishes. They are a roadmap of our histories, cultures, and consumption.
If you are just joining me here, you may not have spent much time digging into the impact of your internal stories on your actions, feelings, and choices as a leader.
This, my friend, is one of the most impactful internal skills I see seasoned, caring strategic leaders use over and over and over: slowing down and reflecting on the stories operating in the background.
Recognition of your own stories and then expanding them leads to:
- more nuanced decisions,
- more empathetic relationships,
- fewer knee-jerk reactions, and
- genuinely less stress.
Now is another moment to check in with a few key stories, especially your leadership stories, your team’s stories, and your stories about what is “about to happen in the future.”
The stories we tell cause our nervous systems to ramp up and respond, or slow down and get steady.
How do you make a change in your stories so you lead from a steady, aware place?
You do not need to deny a story in order to change its impact on you, your well-being, or the organization.
Widen your lens and increase context
Increase the field of vision of your story and take in a more expanded view. Find the context and history behind your own story to add nuance.
Add stories from a different perspective
There is always more than one story occurring at a time. Listen to more people and other stories about the same experiences. Gain perspectives that are different than yours. You can add those stories to your first story, so there is more than one story occurring at the same time.
Find the flaws and build a more trustworthy story
Look for the flaws in your story. Which parts are there because of past hurts that are not a part of the current people or moment? Which parts are there because of your own internal fears and desires projected onto this moment? See if you can gently release or reimagine those fears and hopes through journaling, movement, or honest conversation with someone you trust.
These aren’t quick fixes.
They are practices.
And they work best when you are not doing them alone.
If you missed the last two newsletters, here’s the quick thread: we talked about the push-pull pressure leaders are feeling right now, then I offered eight critical steps for leading through urgency.
This newsletter works with our underlying layer — the acknowledgement of internal stories, which makes it possible to take those steps with more empathy and understanding.
Stories are where the work truly begins.
🏮 BEACONS
Right now, with pressure rising and leadership tests coming daily, it’s worth pausing to consider two sets of stories: your own and your team’s.
You
- What stories are you telling yourself about your own leadership and your ability to meet this moment?
- What do those stories reveal about what you are most afraid of — or most hoping for?
- How are those stories shaping your choices right now?
Your Team
- What fears or hopes live inside those stories, and how can you respond to them?
- What stories might your team members be telling themselves about what is happening in the world and in your organization?
- How do those stories differ depending on someone’s role, identity, or position in the organization?
🌊 TIDE TURNERS
More resources & support
If we have worked together in the past, you know these are go-to resources for understanding how stories connect to belonging, leadership, and culture-building. However, you may not have heard of these specific articles and podcasts.
Othering and Belonging Institute: The practice of belonging is harder than it sounds — and this piece from the Othering and Belonging Institute gets into why. A grounding read for any leader thinking about what genuine inclusion actually requires.
Brené Brown, Dare to Lead Podcast: This conversation between Brené and author Doug Conant is built around a premise that stopped me in my tracks: your life story is your leadership story. They dig into what it means to own your story, walk into it, and stop trying to become the main character in someone else’s.
Crucial Conversations: The “Master My Stories” skill is one I return to again and again. This piece walks through the three-story traps we fall into under pressure — victim, villain, and helpless — and how to tell a more complete, more honest story instead.