I caught myself doing it again. I created an “us and them” story.
This time it was with one of my favorite humans.
Roberto (my partner in life and sometimes business) and I are working on a big clean-up job. Together, we are unsticking a situation that’s been stuck for a while.
But then I found myself creating separation between us.
He does this. I do this. He needs this. But I need this.
It’s true. We have different needs. We do things differently.
But what I created was a deeper division. I turned this moment, when we both were working on a collective project, into a “me/him” story.
Start with a “we story” when you want to build collaboratively.
After the larger collective story and purpose, you can sort out the details, different roles, and individual needs.
It is a matter of choice.
It is a matter of where you start—are you starting from “us and we” or “you vs. them”?
Last month, I shared that the us/them stories consuming our news, politics, organizations, and lives are deepening our divisions.
It hit a chord.
I received notes from readers and clients saying they saved the email and shared it with colleagues. Missed it? Here you go!
The us/them story is all around us – in our families, political choices, and thoughts.
When you work from a “we” first, everything gets easier—the team works better together, tensions decrease, and you do less work.
Want to build more connections and collaboration?
The first step is to recognize the “us and them” stories we tell ourselves.
Let me know –> have you noticed an “us/them” story that created a deeper division than was needed?
Here’s to building together.
🏮 BEACONS
- Pick a tangible situation in your immediate life where you can slow down and notice your thoughts. (e.g., a project with colleagues)
- Acknowledge where you have created a “us and them” story. Focus on your thoughts, not others’ actions.
It is easier to see where others are creating the us/them. But you cannot change their behavior and thoughts, only yours. - Get curious about your thoughts. What story are you telling yourself? Why don’t “they” get it? What differences are you exaggerating?
We all tell these stories. Recognizing them is the first step toward collaboration and away from division.
🌊 TIDE TURNERS
More resources & support
Bridging & Belonging resources
The Power of Bridging, john a. powell
How Storytelling Enhances Team Decision-Making and Collaboration, Forbes
Navigating changes through bridging and belonging, LinkedIn Live Equity in the Center
Us & Them podcast
Us & Them, Trey Kay TedX