What is one thing you can do when our public institutions are getting dismantled and people are told lies about their neighbors being their enemies?
Build spaces of connection and collaboration.
Don’t see everyone as the enemy, including “you know who” at work.
It’s not easy to build across differences with real people in real situations.
(It’s pretty easy to develop collaboration with your favorite AI tool… they always agree!)
I’m offering a short, deep dive series into collaboration that’s resonating with people who want these tools in their immediate work, just as much as we need them in our countries.
If you missed them, you can check out part 1 and part 2.
Here are two common ‘us vs. them’ stories from my 14 years working with teams:
ONE
The people doing day-to-day work—social workers, artists, teachers, advocates—feel underappreciated and underpaid. (They aren’t wrong on this one.) And they believe management is disconnected from the right strategies and solutions.
Those in management strive to find sufficient funds in the budget to pay everyone fairly and maintain operational stability. They’re juggling policy changes, funding shifts, and regulations while balancing the needs of their staff. They feel their work goes unseen and that no one understands the big picture.
Yes, management has more power to ensure fair pay and effective strategies, and they should listen and collaborate with staff. But they’re also navigating larger landscape issues with no easy answers.
Both groups want to be appreciated and are working toward the common good on different levels.
TWO
Person A on the team feels burdened by their workload and believes Person B and C have it easier—they’re not working as hard, secretly taking time off, and have better support.
Person B also feels they have an impossible workload and are undervalued. They think Person A is a show-off with easier work.
Person C indeed has a lower workload and greater access to decision-makers, but wants to support the team and take on more work. They feel their colleagues don’t like or respect them.
All three people want to be valued, supported, and have autonomy.
Sound familiar?
Can you think of another situation where there’s an “us vs. them” division?
So now what?
First, if you change your story + behavior, the situation will shift.
I’m not saying you can change entire cultures or systems by your behavior alone, but you can shift a dynamic AND your experience of it.
(There are necessary cultural changes and leadership techniques that support deeper systemic collaboration—let’s chat if you’d like to explore these.)
To change your behavior, you first need to question AND change your story.
Pause, breathe, ask. What story am I telling? Where am I creating division?
Choose. Do you want to remain divided or find a way to collaborate?
You always have a choice.
You may be too angry or hurt to collaborate.
If so, you need a different strategy, including time and support for repair conversations, or finding a way out. You may need to focus on repairing relationships, taking care of yourself, or exiting.
If you choose collaboration and want to foster belonging, you need a broader story.
Build a broader story.
What story incorporates both groups’ needs and a greater common purpose?
This creates the possibility of working together.
For scenario #2, here’s a broader story:
“We have various ways of working and different types of work.
We’re all feeling disconnected, underappreciated, and not benefiting from our collective efforts. We aim for a team where workload feels fair and manageable, with a clear understanding of what each other does and how we can support one another while maintaining autonomy.”
Now that you have a story that accommodates everyone and fosters shared focus, you can build toward solutions.
Here’s the thing—it’s nearly impossible to move into solution mode without an honest story that moves toward shared purpose and includes everyone (even with their differences).
The Othering and Belonging Institute calls these “Bridging stories.“
Try the experiment below and email me to let me know how it’s going, changing one of your stories. I love hearing from you.
Here’s to broader stories.
🏮 BEACONS
Try this practice
- Rewrite ONE of your us vs them stories to a story you can believe in that makes room for everyone and a common purpose.
- Now, act as if that story were truewithin the group (or family).
If you’re up for this experiment, so am I.
I am going to tackle two stories: one from my family and one from my business.
Drop me an email and let me know how it’s going.
🌊 TIDE TURNERS
More resources & support
(Yup, same as last post – they are that good! Check a new one out.)
Bridging & Belonging resources
The Power of Bridging, john a. Powell
How Storytelling Enhances Team Decision-Making and Collaboration, Forbes
Navigating changes through bridging and belonging, LinkedIn Live Equity in the Center
Us & Them podcast
Us & Them, Trey Kay TedX